Funny Brunette Jokes

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation

Why do brunettes put ice in their nose before they go to work?
So their lunch won’t spoil

What’s a brunette that has dyed her hair?
Artificial intelligence.

There were 3 girls on the run being chased by cops, they went in a barn and hid in 3 seperate bags.
The cops picked up the first bag and the redhead says “meow meow”.
The cops said, “there’s nothing in this bag except kittens”.
They picked up the second bag and the brunette says, “woof woof”.
The cop says “there’s nothing but a puppy in this bag”.
They picked up the third one and the blonde says, “potatoes potatoes”.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage

Why is it good to have a brunette passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price.

Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
It doesn’t show the dirt.

Short Brunette Jokes

What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

What’s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
Check her for a pulse.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.

What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A blonde trying to put it out.

Why are most brunettes flat chested?
It makes it easier to read their T-shirt.

The brunette had been married about a year
One day the she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy
He didn’t know how to react
So he started jumping up and down along with her

“Why are we so happy?” he asked
She said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!”
“Great” he said, “tell me what you’re so happy about”
She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down
“I’m pregnant!” she gasped

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while
He grabbed her, and kissed her
“Wow, that is wonderful,” “I couldn’t be happier”

Then she said, “Oh, honey there’s more”
“What do you mean more?”, he asked
“Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!”

He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant
“How do you that,” he asked

“It was easy,” she said
“I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit”
“Both tests came out positive!”

Why did the brunette get thrown out of the M & M factory?
She kept throwing out all the W’s

A brunette was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on “Science & Nature.” Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

Hope you enjoyed our collection of funny brunette jokes. If you’d like to share your own jokes about brunettes please use the comment box below.

Funny Brunette Jokes is a post from: JabJokes.com

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Yo mama is so fat she sells shade in the summer.

Yo mama is so fat when she get a cut she bleeds milkshakes.

Yo mama is so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo mama is so fat shes the only one at the beach that gets a tan.

Yo mama is so fat she pays taxes in three different counties!

Yo mama is so fat that the local restaurant says maximum occupancy 45 people or your mom.

Yo mama is so fat she has a homeless family living under her!

Yo mama is so fat she has a lifeguard for her cereal bowl.

Yo mama is so fat she violates 14 different zoning laws.

Yo mama is so fat she is the same height lying down as she is standing up!

Yo mama is so fat shes on both sides of the family!

Yo mama is so fat she has to iron her clothes in the drive way.

Yo mama is so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride her!

Yo mama is so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama is so fat when she rolls over in bed she burns her ass on the light bulb.

Yo mama is so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo Mama So Dumb Jokes

Yo mama so dumb she stayed up all night studying for her blood test.

Yo mama so dumb she waited all day at a stop sign.

Yo mama so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death!

Yo mama so dumb she heard someone say it was chilli outside so she took off and got her bowl.

Yo mama so dumb she stole a free sample.

Yo Mama So Black Jokes

Yo mama so black when she breastfed you she made chocolate milk.

Yo mama so black that she has to were white gloves when she eats tootsie rolls so she doesn’t bite her fingers!

Yo mama so black she makes asphalt look grey.

Yo mama so black she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

Yo mama so black we use a flash light to see her at night.

Yo mama so black her dandruff looks like coal dust.

Yo mama so black her butt looks like two tires.

Yo mama so black when she went to night school they marked her absent!

Yo mama so black when you go swimming it looks like an oil spill.

Yo mama so black she bleeds smoke.

Yo mama so black when she smiles at night she looks like floating chicklets.

Yo mama so black even her shadow had to get a flashlight to find her in the dark!

Yo mama so black if she sat in a Jacuzzi the water would turn into coffee.

Yo mama so black if she had a red light she’d be a beeper.

Yo Mama So Fat Jokes

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.

Yo mama so fat she was in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo mama so fat she freed Willie and then ate him.

Yo mama so fat she got arrested at the airport for twenty pounds of crack!

Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

Yo mama so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.

Yo mama so fat she broke your family tree.

Yo mama so fat she makes Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.

Yo mama so fat she deep fries her toothpaste.

Yo mama so fat her blood type is rocky road.

Yo mama so fat she makes the titanic look like a tug boat.

Yo mama so fat she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.

Yo mama so fat when God said let there be light, he asked her to move.

Yo mama so fat when she wore a red shirt all the kids yelled hey kool-aid.

Yo mama so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”.

Yo mama so fat she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read “one at a time, please”.

Yo mama so fat she got Baptized at sea world.

Yo mama so fat she has more rolls then the towns bakery!

Yo mama so fat she’s got her own area code!

Yo mama so fat her blood type is Ragu!

Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo mama so fat when people try to drive around her, they ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say “Taxi!”

Yo mama so fat when she backs up she beeps.

Yo mama so fat to her “light food” means under 4 Tons.

Yo mama so fat she has to get out of the car to change radio stations.

Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo mama so fat when she walks around Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo Mama So Stinky Jokes

Yo mama breath is so stinky she needs odor eaters.

Yo mama breath is so bad she has to take prescription Tic Tac.

Yo mama breath is so stinky we don’t know whether she needs gum or toilet paper.

Yo mama is so smelly she was playing in my sandbox and the cat came along and buried her.

Misc Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama so nasty she went swimming and now we have the dead sea.

Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!

Yo mama so hairy she shaves with a weed whacker!

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince

Yo mama so bald you can see what’s on her mind.

Yo mama is twice the man you are!

Yo mama is so fat after sex she smokes a ham!

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway

Yo mama so poor she can’t afford to pay attention!

Yo mama so grouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn’t even serve Happy Meals.

Thanks for reading our funny yo mama jokes! Add your own in the comment box.

Yo Mama Jokes is a post from: JabJokes.com

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Yo Momma So Old Jokes

Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo momma so old her phone number is 1.

Yo momma so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.

Yo momma so old Jurassic Park brought back memories.

Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was a prince.

Yo momma so old when she farted dust came out.

Yo momma so old when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

Yo momma so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

Yo Momma So Short Jokes

Yo momma so short she models for trophies.

Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo momma so short she can hang glide on a Doritos.

Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers license.

Yo momma so short she don’t roll dice, she pushes them.

Yo momma so short she had to stand on three phone books to see the road.

Yo momma so short her homies are the Keebler Elfs.

Yo momma so short she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.

Yo Momma So Skinny Jokes

Yo momma so skinny she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant!

Yo momma so skinny she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Yo momma so skinny you can save her from drowning by tossing her a Cheerio.

Yo momma so shinny she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.

Yo momma so skinny if she had a sesame seed on her head, she’d look like a push pin.

Yo momma so skinny she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Yo momma so skinny, she uses Chapstick for deodorant.

Yo Momma So Hairy Jokes

Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot took a picture of her.

Yo momma so hairy that she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on.

Yo momma so hairy she has dreadlocks on her back.

Yo momma so hairy that she shaves her legs with a weedwacker.

Yo momma so hairy that she got a trim and lost 20 pounds.

Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

Yo momma so hairy she has cornrows on her feet!

Yo momma so hairy if she shaved her legs, she could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.

Yo Momma So Fat Jokes

Yo momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo momma so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Yo momma so fat her belly button makes an echo.

Yo momma is so fat when she goes to a restaurant she has to be greased in and out of the booths.

Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.

Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo momma is so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo momma is so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes Florida, Georgia, Alabama…

Yo momma is so fat shes got her own area code!

Yo momma is so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.

Thanks for reading and remember to submit your favorite yo momma jokes with the comment box below.

Yo Momma Jokes is a post from: JabJokes.com

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Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!

What is the cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.

Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.

Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.

What is a cat’s favorite movie? “The Sound of Meowsic.”

What is a cat’s favorite subject in school? Hissstory.

What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.

Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

Cat Jokes

What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.

What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.

Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you’re a man or a mouse.

Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.

Jokes about Cats

A man hated his wife’s cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man called his wife at home and asked her, “Jen is the cat there?”

“Yes, why do you ask?”answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said, “Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions.”

—

A little boy was with his dad looking at a litter of kittens. Upon returning home, the little boy could not wait to tell his mother that there were 2 girl kittens and 2 boy kittens.

“How do you know?” asked his mother.

The boy replied, “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

—

A Cat Heaven

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There he meets the Lord himself. The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know.”

The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.” The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more,” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we’re tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?” The Lord says, “Say no more,” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you arrived?”

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending by are theeee best!”

Cat Jokes for Kids

What is a cat’s favorite color? Purrrrrrple!

What do you get if cross a cat with a canary? Shredded tweet.

Why is a thirsty cat like a track runner? He keeps going back for one more lap.

What do you call a cat wearing shoes? Puss in boots.

Why do cats make terrible story tellers? They only have one tail.

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Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”
Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”

Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
Because Carter doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.

What do Obama and Osama have in common?
They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
Because he’s running out of George Bush jokes.

Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. Apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind. – Jay Leno

When they move into the White House, Barack Obama is gonna be getting a dog for his daughters. And he was very clear, he was very strict — he said, “You’re gonna have to feed it, you’re gonna have to give it water, and you’re gonna have to clean up after it, do you understand that?” And Joe Biden said, “Yeah ….” – Jay Leno

Oprah Winfrey just announced that she’s planning to attend Barack Obama’s inauguration. Oprah says she’s very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world. – Conan O’Brien

Do you know what Barack Obama’s middle name is? Hussein. Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been Kerry. – Jay Leno

Some political analysts are saying the 1980′s sitcom “The Cosby Show” helped Obama get elected because it portrayed a black family in a positive light. They also say Obama would have been elected 10 years ago if it weren’t for Flavor Flav. – Conan O’Brien

Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence … and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser. – Jay Leno

The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he’s planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with Barack Obama. – Conan O’Brien

It’s an exciting time in Washington, Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. And so far, he’s got his mother-in-law gonna be living with him, and he’s talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. So you got your mother-in-law, you got Hillary Clinton — boy, sounds like smooth sailing to me! – David Letterman

Everyone is waiting to see what Barack Obama has planned. We already know his economic plan. It’s designed to help small businesses that make under $250,000 a year. You know, like General Motors and Chrysler. – Craig Ferguson

President Obama made a surprise visit to Iraq this week where he declared it is time for Iraqis to take responsibility for their country. Said Iraqis, ‘You guys first.’ – Seth Meyers

Now I want him [Obama] to reconfigure his goals so they’re manageable. I want him to say, “We have to get rid of poison ivy and phone calls at dinner.” You know, things that are doable. – Bob Odenkirk

Tonight: the media reacts to Obama’s cabinet picks. There’s a debate over whether to shower him with praise — or adulation. – Stephen Colbert

He’s come up with a great initiative to create two and a half million jobs for America … it’s a wonderful plan, the catch is we all have to move to China. – David Letterman

Well, the wait is over. The Obamas have chosen a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Very cute dog. Their first choice was a wheaten terrier, but it was arrested for tax evasion. – Jimmy Fallon

Today marks 100 days of President Obama being in office, which is a big deal because 100 days is when his warranty runs out. We couldn’t return him now even if we wanted to. – Jimmy Kimmel

Prosecutors said Tuesday that there is no evidence that Barack Obama was involved in the Blagojevich scandal. Or, as Fox News reported it, “Is Barack Obama involved in the Blagojevich scandal?” – Amy Poehler

Obama said he will attend the ceremony in Oslo if he’s not too busy with the two wars he’s conducting. – Bill Maher

More Obama Jokes

President Obama, this guy takes everything seriously. He’s very upset about what’s going on in Iran. As a matter of fact, today he announced that he’s going to stop smoking Camels. – David Letterman

President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass. – Conan O’Brien

On Fox News yesterday, White House senior advisor David Axelrod said that President Obama hasn’t given up on achieving something valuable in Copenhagen [at the U.N. Climate Change Conference]. In one year, we’ve gone from “Yes we can” to “We haven’t totally given up.” – Jimmy Fallon

Today, by the way, is our president, President Obama’s, one-year anniversary in office. I looked it up. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate. – Jimmy Kimmel

Happy anniversary to President Obama and the first lady. They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said yes to an Obama proposal. – Craig Ferguson

President Obama invited trick-or-treaters to the White House … and they had a very scary party. They sat in a circle, turned off all the lights and the kids read the president his poll numbers. – Jay Leno

The Republican candidates have really been shooting themselves in the foot, just making huge and horrible gaffes, they just look silly. And it’s gotten so bad, President Obama is now worried he may actually be reelected. – David Letterman

President Obama said he’s set up a task force to look into high gas prices. He’d look into it himself, but he’s busy working on those NCAA tournament brackets. – Jay Leno

Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house engulfed in flames and saying, ‘We really should change the curtains.’ – Craig Ferguson

This weekend, President Obama’s daughter Sasha will turn 11 years old. Sasha didn’t ask Obama for a present … you know, because she’s still waiting for him to deliver the gifts he promised three birthdays ago. – Jimmy Fallon

Funny Obama Jokes

The Center for Responsive Politics reports that President Obama has become the first politician in history to raise $1 billion in his political career. Imagine how much more he could have raised if people hadn’t lost it all in his economic plan. – Jay Leno

People are kind of upset with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. And when President Obama found out that Tony Hayward was on his yacht, he was so angry, he missed a putt. – David Letterman

President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha’s basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was drive straight down the center and piss everyone off. – Conan O’Brien

President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate. – Craig Ferguson

I don’t like this new Obama who hunts Muslim extremists. I like the old Obama who WAS a Muslim extremist. – Stephen Colbert

President Obama said regarding the economy, ‘The sky is not falling.’ The poll numbers are falling, the market is falling, support for the war in Libya is falling, Anthony Weiner’s pants are falling, but the sky is fine. – Jay Leno

President Obama, in his memoir, talked about his childhood in Indonesia living with his stepfather. He said when he was 8 years old, his stepfather introduced him to a number of unusual meats, including dog. Our president ate dog. Not only that, according to the book, he also ate snake. And his mother was looking for tiger. He was eating through Noah’s Ark. – Jimmy Kimmel

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Funny Rebecca Black Jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, if Rebecca Black wins any awards, Kanye, you know what to do.

Two things that don’t mix are Rosa Parks and Rebecca Black.

I saw Rebecca Black the other day, she was drowning in a river so I got my phone out and took a quick picture, then SAVED her…..as my screensaver on my phone.

Rebecca Black didn’t take the bus because she would have had a heart attack with all the seat options.

That awkward moment when Rebecca Black asks Justin Bieber to do a duet and he has to say never…

Breaking news: Rebecca black died from a panic attack after walking into a stadium because she had so many seats to choose from.

The only thing worse than Bieber fever is the Black plague.

Rebecca, what comes after Sunday? I forget…

Dear Youtube, I have discovered that there is a glitch on Rebecca Black’s music video, Friday. There is a “like” button. Please fix this ASAP.

Rebecca black isn’t hated because she is famous, she is famous because she is hated.

There is literally one seat left to take in the car and she still asks which seat should she take. Like, is she really gonna make her friends move seats? And that is ignoring the fact that she waited at the bus stop and her friends came. AND she is thirteen. That means two things; 1 A thirteen year old is driving her, or 2 her “friend” is 18 years old. WTF?

NEWSFLASH: Rebecca Black dies from trying to choose which toilet seat to choose even though there was only one choice.

Today I have come to the conclusion that the United States and Canada are in a war of the most annoying. The United States drew first blood with the Miley Cyrus. Canada returned fire with the brutal Justin Beiber. However I believe the United States has won the war with it’s latest creation, the Rebecca Black. If Canada can top that, I’m afraid the world may not survive.

Rebecca Black had one of the best songs of all time. Hahaha. I can’t even say that with a straight face!

Thanks for reading.

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What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
Matt

What do you call someone who carries a dictionary in his jeans?
Smarty pants

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

What do you call a bee which is born in the month of May?
A maybee

What do you call a man with an invoice?
Bill

What do you call a guy who is all feet?
Archie

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quattro sinko

What do you call a cow that plays music?
A Moosician.

What do you call a plumber with a toilet on his head?
Lou

What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob

What do you call a man with a government subsidy?
Grant

What do you call a Chinese lady with one leg shorter than the other?
Ireen

What do you call a guy in debt?
Owen

What do you call a cow with only two legs?
Lean beef

What do you call santa’s helpers?
Subordinate clauses

What do you call a man who prays plenty?
Neil

What do you call a vegetarian guy?
Barry

What do you call a man in good physical condition?
Jim

What do you call a very popular perfume?
A best-smeller

What do you call a man whose rolls around in dirt?
Pete

What do you call a gorilla wearing ear-muffs?
Anything you like, he can’t hear you.

What do you call a hippy’s wife?
Mississippi.

What Do You Get Jokes

What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.

What do you get if you cross a pig with a hedgehog?
A porkupine

What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
A brush with the law.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck?
Milk and quackers.

What do you get if you cross a newspaper and a fat person?
Big news!

What do you get if you cross a flying insect with indigestion?
A rumblebee.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A bite in shining armor.

What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a rooster?
A cockapoodledoo!

What do you get if you cross a hen with some gunpowder?
An eggsplosion.

Other What Jokes

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones

What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A stamp

What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?
Close the door, I’m dressing!

What would you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids

What do you give an elephant with big feet?
Plenty of room

What was the pirate movie rated?
ARRRRRRRGH!

What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish

What bird can be heard at mealtimes?
A swallow

What do firemen put in their soup?
Fire crackers!

We hope you’ve enjoyed our list of what do you call and what do you get jokes. Be sure to share your own in the comment box below.

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Funny Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama so fat she deep fries her toothpaste.

Yo mama so nasty she made Right Guard turn left!

Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!

Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Yo mama so dark she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.

Yo mama so bald you can literally see what is on her mind.

Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

Yo mama has more chins than a Chinese phone book!

Yo mama so fat jokes

Yo Mama So Fat Jokes

Yo mama so fat that even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo mama so fat that when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo mama so fat she’s once, twice, three times a lady.

Yo mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.

Yo mama so fat she doesn’t need the internet – she’s worldwide.

Yo mama so fat small objects orbit her.

Yo mama so fat even Dora can’t explore her!

Yo mama so fat she got a job at the theater…as the screen.

Yo mama so fat that she stands in two time zones.

Yo mama so fat Hollywood stunt companies use her as an air mattress.

Yo mama so fat her belt size is the equator.

Yo Mama So Stupid Jokes

Yo mama so stupid she went to the orthodontist to get Bluetooth.

Yo mama so stupid that when she broke her DVD player, she bought a DVD on how to fix your DVD player.

Yo mama so stupid she tried to put her m&ms in alphabetical order.

Yo mama so stupid she thought hot meals were stolen food.

Yo mama so stupid she figured a quarterback was a refund.

Yo mama so stupid that at bottom of application where it says Sign Here – she wrote Pices.

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gas money!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks taco bell is a Mexican phone company.

Yo mama so stupid that she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid she threw a brick at the floor and missed.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo mama so stupid it takes her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo mama so stupid she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.

Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo mama so stupid she got ran over by a parked car!

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside she ran outside with a spoon!

Yo mama so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

Yo mama so stupid she eats her food stamps.

Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo mama so stupid she went to the orthodontist to get a blue tooth!

Yo mama so stupid she tried to steal a free sample!

Yo mama so stupid she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo mama so stupid that she took a piece of paper and taped it on the TV and called it paperview.

Yo mama so stupid she thinks taco bell is a Mexican phone company.

Yo mama so ugly jokes

Yo Mama So Ugly Jokes

Yo mama so ugly her pillow cries at night.

Yo mama so ugly she went into a haunted house and came out with an application.

Yo mama so ugly she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

Yo mama so ugly Bob the Builder can’t even fix her!

Yo mama so ugly the therapist makes her lie face down.

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco! Ewww

Yo mama so ugly she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!

Yo mama so ugly she plays fetch with the ugly stick!

Yo mama so ugly I told her to take out the trash and she moved out of my house.

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”

Yo mama so ugly she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt!

Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes BACK ON!

Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo mama so ugly she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Yo mama so ugly even yo daddy refuses to look at her.

Yo mama so ugly she makes onions cry!

Yo mama so ugly her shadow gave up.

Yo mama so ugly people use her picture to scare away rats!

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

Yo mama so ugly I went blind! AHHHH

Yo mama so ugly she uses a mop for hair.

Yo mama so ugly she makes babies cry, old people lose control of their bowels, and angels crash.

Yo mama so ugly, it looks like her neck threw up.

Yo Mama So Old Jokes

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo mama so old she used to babysit Jesus.

Yo mama so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had hair!

Yo mama so old that her memory is in black and white.

Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the last supper.

Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!

Yo Mama So Dirty

Yo mama so dirty she slowed down speed stick.

Yo mama so dirty that she loses weight in the shower.

Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo mama so dirty that you can’t tell where the dirt stops and she begins.

Yo mama so dirty she makes a skunk smell sweet.

Yo mama so dirty the roaches wrote her an eviction notice.

Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo mama so dirty that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.

Yo mama so dirty the Army wants to use her bath water as a biological weapon.

Yo mama so dirty she makes mud look clean.

Yo mama so dirty she brings crabs to the beach.

Yo mama so dirty she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

Yo mama so dirty that you can’t tell where the dirt stops and she begins.

Yo mama so dirty when I leave her house I got to wipe my feet before I go outside.

Yo mama so dirty that when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out and said “I’ll wait.”

Yo mama so dirty her Sure deodorant is now Confused!

Yo mama so dirty she’s got more clap than an auditorium.

Yo mama so dirty she made Right Guard turn left, Secret tell it all, and Speed Stick slow down!

Yo mama so dirty skunks give her house a wide berth.

Yo mama so dirty she takes a shower at the car wash.

Yo mama so dirty a family of skunks adopted her as one of their own.

Yo Mama So Poor Jokes

Yo mama so poor she can’t even afford to go to the free clinic.

Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her!

Yo mama so poor that on Halloween, her trick was the treat.

Yo mama so poor that her front and back doors are on the same hinge.

Thanks for reading our funny yo mama jokes. Check back for more yo mama so dirty, fat, stupid, ugly, poor, and old jokes. If you have a yo mama joke that isn’t listed, share it in the comment box below.

Funny Yo Mama Jokes is a post from: JabJokes.com

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Pranks and Practical April Fools Day Jokes

Sneak on your friend’s computer and search Google for something really embarrassing (butt pimples, rash, etc.). Leave the window open for all to see!

If you have a sink with a spray nozzle, put a rubber band around the handle when nobody is looking. This automatically keeps the nozzle on. Make sure the nozzle is pointing toward the sink. The next person will get soaked!

Put a piece of bubble wrap under the toilet seat so when your victim sits, they are surprised by a loud POP!

Make green milk. If your milk comes in a cardboard carton, add a few drops of green food coloring. It’s harmless April Fool’s joke but the results are funny.

Funny April Fools Jokes

Tape magnets to the bottom of an empty coffee cup, and attach it to the top of your car. Laugh at all the people who frantically try to get your attention as you drive by.

Another great April Fool’s joke, if you have little holders for your salt and pepper, switch the salt with sugar and then watch your family’s and friend’s faces when they try their food! Just make sure they have something they eat salt with.

Find a scrap of cloth. Place a dollar on the floor and stay nearby. When the victim comes by and bends down to pick up the dollar, rip the cloth loudly. Most people will reach back to see if they ripped their pants.

Grab a bunch of alarm clocks, set the alarms for random times and hide them around the house.

Tons of funny April fools joke ideas. Good luck out there and don’t get grounded!

April Fools Jokes is a post from: JabJokes.com

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Funny Fat People Jokes

Look at the bright side. Fat people are harder to kidnap.

Instead of trick or treat you say “Trick or Cheesecake”!

Two fat guys are at the bar, one says to the other, “Your round.”
The other one says “So are you, you fat pig!”

A fat lady is lying on the beach. A lifeguard approaches her
and says, “Excuse me ma’am, could you please leave the beach?”
The obese lady replies, “Why? What’s wrong?”
“We’ll you see,” says the lifeguard, “It’s getting pretty
late, and the tide wants to come in!”

At fat camp the guys have the biggest boobs.

You might be fat if you think your feet went on vacation and you’re not sure because you can’t see them.

The lady went to the theater before the night’s performance was going to begin. She was looking for the usher to help her with a dilemma regarding her seats.
Usher: I see you have two tickets with you. Will someone be joining you ma’am?
Lady: Well, you see, I have an issue with sitting in just one seat. It is a bit uncomfortable for me and that’s why I had to buy two different tickets. Both these tickets are mine, that I can guarantee you.
Usher: That’s alright with me ma’am. Although there’s one problem. You see, you have two seats with numbers 52 and 61.

Can fat people go skinny dipping?

One day a woman asked her daughter to go get some jellyrolls. The girl went to the bakery and ordered all of the jellyrolls that the bakery had. Then she stuffed them all in her mouth and swallowed. When she got home her mom asked where the jellyrolls were. The girl lifts up her shirt and says here, these are the jelly rolls.

You Are So Fat Jokes

You are so fat you were baptized in Sea World.

You are so fat, Goodyear wanted to fly you over the Superbowl.

You are so fat, there’s no more room in the family tree.

You are so fat, you should have your own zip code.

You are so fat your belt size is the equator!

Yo Mama So Fat Jokes

Yo mama so fat she’s taller lying down.

Yo mama so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama so fat she has more Chins than a Chinese phone book.

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”

Yo mama so fat she broke your family tree.

Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn”.

Yo mama so fat she made Richard Simmons cry.

Yo mama so fat she’s got her own area code!

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued…

We hope you enjoyed our fat jokes list. Remember, these jokes are for fun. Weight can be a touchy subject for some people so relax and have a laugh.

Fat People Jokes is a post from: JabJokes.com

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