Funny Barack Obama Jokes

Funny Barack Obama Jokes and Sayings

Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”
Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”

Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
Because Carter doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.

What do Obama and Osama have in common?
They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
Because he’s running out of George Bush jokes.

Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. Apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind. – Jay Leno

funny-obama-jokes When they move into the White House, Barack Obama is gonna be getting a dog for his daughters. And he was very clear, he was very strict — he said, “You’re gonna have to feed it, you’re gonna have to give it water, and you’re gonna have to clean up after it, do you understand that?” And Joe Biden said, “Yeah ….” – Jay Leno

Oprah Winfrey just announced that she’s planning to attend Barack Obama’s inauguration. Oprah says she’s very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world. – Conan O’Brien

Do you know what Barack Obama’s middle name is? Hussein. Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been Kerry. – Jay Leno

Some political analysts are saying the 1980′s sitcom “The Cosby Show” helped Obama get elected because it portrayed a black family in a positive light. They also say Obama would have been elected 10 years ago if it weren’t for Flavor Flav. – Conan O’Brien

Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence … and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser. – Jay Leno

The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he’s planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with Barack Obama. – Conan O’Brien

It’s an exciting time in Washington, Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. And so far, he’s got his mother-in-law gonna be living with him, and he’s talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. So you got your mother-in-law, you got Hillary Clinton — boy, sounds like smooth sailing to me! – David Letterman

Everyone is waiting to see what Barack Obama has planned. We already know his economic plan. It’s designed to help small businesses that make under $250,000 a year. You know, like General Motors and Chrysler. – Craig Ferguson

President Obama made a surprise visit to Iraq this week where he declared it is time for Iraqis to take responsibility for their country. Said Iraqis, ‘You guys first.’ – Seth Meyers

Now I want him [Obama] to reconfigure his goals so they’re manageable. I want him to say, “We have to get rid of poison ivy and phone calls at dinner.” You know, things that are doable. – Bob Odenkirk

Tonight: the media reacts to Obama’s cabinet picks. There’s a debate over whether to shower him with praise — or adulation. – Stephen Colbert

He’s come up with a great initiative to create two and a half million jobs for America … it’s a wonderful plan, the catch is we all have to move to China. – David Letterman

Well, the wait is over. The Obamas have chosen a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Very cute dog. Their first choice was a wheaten terrier, but it was arrested for tax evasion. – Jimmy Fallon

Today marks 100 days of President Obama being in office, which is a big deal because 100 days is when his warranty runs out. We couldn’t return him now even if we wanted to. – Jimmy Kimmel

Prosecutors said Tuesday that there is no evidence that Barack Obama was involved in the Blagojevich scandal. Or, as Fox News reported it, “Is Barack Obama involved in the Blagojevich scandal?” – Amy Poehler

Obama said he will attend the ceremony in Oslo if he’s not too busy with the two wars he’s conducting. – Bill Maher

More Obama Jokes

President Obama, this guy takes everything seriously. He’s very upset about what’s going on in Iran. As a matter of fact, today he announced that he’s going to stop smoking Camels. – David Letterman

President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass. – Conan O’Brien

On Fox News yesterday, White House senior advisor David Axelrod said that President Obama hasn’t given up on achieving something valuable in Copenhagen [at the U.N. Climate Change Conference]. In one year, we’ve gone from “Yes we can” to “We haven’t totally given up.” – Jimmy Fallon

Today, by the way, is our president, President Obama’s, one-year anniversary in office. I looked it up. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate. – Jimmy Kimmel

Happy anniversary to President Obama and the first lady. They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said yes to an Obama proposal. – Craig Ferguson

President Obama invited trick-or-treaters to the White House … and they had a very scary party. They sat in a circle, turned off all the lights and the kids read the president his poll numbers. – Jay Leno

The Republican candidates have really been shooting themselves in the foot, just making huge and horrible gaffes, they just look silly. And it’s gotten so bad, President Obama is now worried he may actually be reelected. – David Letterman

President Obama said he’s set up a task force to look into high gas prices. He’d look into it himself, but he’s busy working on those NCAA tournament brackets. – Jay Leno

Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house engulfed in flames and saying, ‘We really should change the curtains.’ – Craig Ferguson

This weekend, President Obama’s daughter Sasha will turn 11 years old. Sasha didn’t ask Obama for a present … you know, because she’s still waiting for him to deliver the gifts he promised three birthdays ago. – Jimmy Fallon

Funny Obama Jokes

The Center for Responsive Politics reports that President Obama has become the first politician in history to raise $1 billion in his political career. Imagine how much more he could have raised if people hadn’t lost it all in his economic plan. – Jay Leno

People are kind of upset with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. And when President Obama found out that Tony Hayward was on his yacht, he was so angry, he missed a putt. – David Letterman

President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha’s basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was drive straight down the center and piss everyone off. – Conan O’Brien

President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate. – Craig Ferguson

I don’t like this new Obama who hunts Muslim extremists. I like the old Obama who WAS a Muslim extremist. – Stephen Colbert

President Obama said regarding the economy, ‘The sky is not falling.’ The poll numbers are falling, the market is falling, support for the war in Libya is falling, Anthony Weiner’s pants are falling, but the sky is fine. – Jay Leno

President Obama, in his memoir, talked about his childhood in Indonesia living with his stepfather. He said when he was 8 years old, his stepfather introduced him to a number of unusual meats, including dog. Our president ate dog. Not only that, according to the book, he also ate snake. And his mother was looking for tiger. He was eating through Noah’s Ark. – Jimmy Kimmel

Funny Barack Obama Jokes